Shabes On A Plane: Angries Fly High With Pennant Fever

[Brad Jansen]

“You can forget Doug the Smug’s silly little ‘concession’ speeches,” cried out Jeff Wolf Man Winick as he reviewed today’s statistical data.  “The trend  lines point downward for the Nukes. They point up for the Angries. And there’s only one slot they need to go.  Examine the evidence, as seen through my fractured lens: Pods simply isn’t stealing, Mauer is gonna slow down at some point for chrissakes and the starting pitching is nothing but dead, dry Millwood about to Washburn.  But look at the Angries: the resurgent Adrian Beltre, the steady hand of Alex Cintron, the calm presence of Vincente Padilla, and the restful Cotts.  This team is better suited for the next 50 games than the aging, decrepit Nukes.  So Doug has two jobs: draft a victory speech for himself (as if he hasn’t been practicing before the mirror since 2000…) and draft a concession speech for the Riptorns, who surely will finish behind the hot fumes of my speeding vehicle now that they will absorb Luke Hudson’s pitching numbers from today, a true tragedy but only in the Dreiser tradition at best.  Now, time for my make up–it’s almost time for Baseball Tonight and I’m planning a surprise appearance.”

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