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Klein vows not to respond until J.D. Drew plays more than two games in a single week.
Only a few days until Bean Season. All eyes are on the Red Hots …
-Andy
PS to Brad: Will you *please* stop whining and crying about my rule proposal that failed? If you write another one of these messages, I promise to start a thread on the relative merits of Jerry Tagge and Bob Avellini.
Several points, Brad.
1. Your history is truncated. You traded me Dukes after I traded you Dukes after you traded me Dukes. All during the offseason. Instead of complaining, you should be thanking me for keeping you entertained.
2. Good God, man! Stop whining about rules proposals that failed!! With all your carping, is it any wonder that people have resorted to debating the merits of the ’85 Bears?
3. Maybe you shouldn’t have been so quick to trade Hernandez and Overbay. Their owners seem to be having fine seasons.
4. Finally, King Bean, Alex Gordon (guaranteed to come quickly “out of the gates” in Winick’s magazine), and Billy Butler are all in the majors. So trade their asses already, and quit yer bitchin’.
That is all.
Respectfully,
Andy
I guess Professors also should use proper spelling and grammar.
So, amend the previous order so that “magazine’s” is “magazines” and “there” is “their”.
That is all!!
-Andy
Professors get to be appellate judges, so Brad is hereby REVERSED and remanded with instructions to study more of Winick’s magazine’s and columns.
I offered up Coco and Jhonny. Coco is the relevant comparision to the miserable Nick Swisher. Jhonny should be compared to Cantu. And when you compare them, there numbers are exactly the same … except for Jhonny’s lower salary.
-Andy
PS: I hope Winick is keeping score on our bet as to who would have the better second half between Nick and Jhonny.
The relevant comparison is Coco Crisp. And if you can’t figure out why he’s more valuable than Nick Swisher, no essay is going to help you.
-Andy
I salute the AYM — so dominant that they can afford to give away points. Of course, if they need the saves later, they’ll just make another deal. In fact, I hear that Brad Saks is scouting Mike McDougal right now in case the AYM need Blocker to send him their way.
Seriously, Doug is scaring me. He’s getting so good and cocky, he’s reminding me of … Brad Jansen!!
-Andy
Jeff-
This message sounds like it came from C.O.P.S. headquarters!
-Andy
Yes, Rich. C.O.P.S. must take a hard line. As you can appreciate, it is difficult being part of the USML’s premier freedom-fighting organization, preparing for battle against the league’s dark side.
For example, earlier this year, I exposed Brad’s multi-stage strategy to once again dominate the league. At the time, several owners — even Jeff Winick! — agreed with my assessment. But once Brad expressed the slightest degree of irritation, the more skittish of our brethern — Jeff again being the prime example — quickly backpedaled and began genuflecting at the Rips’ feet. (Doug … you should be ashamed for even asking if you could join DUMP!!)
Rich, remember that C.O.P.S. believes in you and will be there to provide you strength in the difficult months and years ahead!!
-Andy
Still not good with the send button on my laptop …
Anyway, both parties can provide the market with information. I’m sure our resident bond traders, Buddha and Fruit, will approve. Bradley (or is it Jeff?) has done his part by keeping the league informed about Craig “The Man” Hansen. I have (humbly) tried to do the same with the likes of Huber, Clement, and Butler. Should DUMP members see fit to trade huge quantities of major leaguers next year for these aspiring young ballplayers, so be it.
As for membership, DUMP and C.O.P.S. seem mutually exclusive to me, though I’m willing to make an exception for Kerber. Doug, on the other hand, has sworn allegience to C.O.P.S. And once such allegience is sworn, it cannot be undone …
-Andy
Emily, of course, would have waived Sauerback immediately based on his bad character.
Another matter of league history is our long tradition of arguing about who got the best of trades and then waiting for the Roto Gods to weigh in. I believe that Dealin’ Doug may have angered our friends on baseball’s Mount Olympus.
<< Mariano Rivera experienced spasms in his lower back while putting his shoes on before batting practice, and the Yankees may be without their closer for a couple of days. "When it happened, I couldn't believe it," Rivera said. "I thought it was a little thing, then all of a sudden, I couldn't move my legs." << -Andy
Forget Josh Hamilton. I’m going to break the bank on this one!!
<< Juan Gonzalez agreed to terms on a deal Thursday to play for the Long Island Ducks of the independent Atlantic League. Gonzalez is expected to join the Ducks on Saturday. If all goes well, perhaps he'll join a major league team for the final three months of the season. Jun. 1 - 11:39 pm et << -Andy
Those are fake Winick quotes!! Here’s what he really said.
“I’m really concerned about Bradley,” Jeffrey mused. “Bragging about his FAAB bid on Tommy Murphy? I mean, the guy’s a one week fill-in until Juan Rivera comes back. Meanwhile Klein snared KC speedster Kerry Robinson right out from under Brad’s nose. Everyone knows that Robinson stole 39 bases in AAA last year. And he was hitting .367 before his call-up. With David DeJesus not even close to healthy, Robinson is a big-time impact player!”
After a long pause and a shake of the head, Jeffrey continued. “It’s really sad watching Brad flail around this year. He sounds like an over-the-hill snake oil salesman. Justin Huber? Give me a break! All I can say is ’81 major league at-bats without a home run and counting!’ And don’t even get me started on Jeff Clement’s torn meniscus and elbow bone chips. Maybe the league should force the Rips to start from scratch again next year. It would be for their own good.”
If anyone nominates Craig Hansen, I am going to start cursing in all caps and extra-large font …
-Andy
Mark-
Thanks for not saying: “Too bad you’ll make a lot of bad trades to mess it
up.”-Andy