[USML Announce] Not So Fausto: Winick Disses New Indians "Closer"

[Brad Jansen]

    After watching Fausto Carmona get bombed for 7 earned runs in
1.1innings tonight and yesterday, Jeffrey Winick, Chairman of the DUMP
Committee on Closer Candidates, pronounced Fernando Cabrera fit for a
try-out.

     "I know Brad took a lot of heat for his trade to acquire Cabrera last
April, and I know he beat himself upa bit over it, too," opined the roto
genius.  "But Cabrera's got the best stuff in that Indians  pen and I have
no doubt that he will fulfill Baseball America's prophecy that he will
assume the closer's role no later than the first week of spring training
2007, if not tomorrow night. Cabrera has quietly lowered his ERA from
13.88down to
5.75 and he's striking batters out at a frenetic pace.  Carmona demonstrated
tonight that he lacks the stones to close.  So, Cabrera's time is coming and
I'm tying on my kerchief, grabbing that black leather lasso and jumping on
that bandwagon.   The excitement going forward  this season  is not about
how many points the Nukes beat the Angries, it's the performance of so many
fine young Riptorns...will Howie Kendrick ever get less than two knocks a
game?  I shudder at the greatness of the young Riptorn talent.  Now fetch me
a blanket and warm up my tea."
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