[USML Announce] A Modest Proposal

[SpringKerb at aol.com]

Bhudda has convinced me.  Since women can't compete with men in most  sport 
(agreed), they have no business in sports at all.  However, I think  we need to 
go farther.
 
First, let's face it, most men and boys aren't elite athletes,  either.  Ban 
them.  I'm not going to name names, but I think we're all  going to have to 
seriously consider whether our kids really deserve to play some  of the sports 
they are involved in.  And, because parents are far too  biased to do the right 
thing, we're going to need to initiate rigorous try-outs  for all youth 
sports.  No more little geeks taking playing time away from  kids with future 
varsity potential.
 
Also, in high school and college sports, we need to do some judicious  
pruning.  I propose something like the GM method of management  evaluation.  The 
bottom ten percent of all performers (both individual and  team) should be 
permanently eliminated every year, at least until we get rid of  all those 
ridiculous small programs that do nothing but dilute the quality of  the pool.
 
Finally, certain sports should be banned completely, due to the inherent  
inability of humans to compete on an interspecies basis.   Track--gone.  Animals 
can outrun us at any distance.  (Field events  stay, since animals don't throw 
things very well.)  Swimming is banned,  too, at least until God decides to 
give us fins at birth.
 
Let's get to work, men!  It's time to save the world from these  soft-headed, 
relative standards of excellence.  I know you all understand  how important 
this is.
 
Mark
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