[USML Announce] The Conventional Winick: Burned Out Brats' Reserve Roster Undercooked

[Brad Jansen]

Dictated but not proofread by Jeffrey Winick:

   As I finalize my Proustian tome on the Hoosier Daddies' reserve roster, I
must begrudingly comment on the F-Brat Stops' uninspired reserve roster.
But first, an aside:
           I know you have heard a bit about my exploits (emphasis on "x,"
my lads) in Arizona at that baseball "fantasy" "convention," but allow me
another tale: As you would expect,  I represent, counsel and advise a major
international hotel/resort consortium.  Check this out: Sent last week to
the Dominican Republic on a recruiting effort I was able through my high
level connections  to obtain a pass to Sammy Sosa's birthday bash.  Although
Sosa's chest has downsized a bit, thank god Salma Hayek's hasn't.  Anyway, I
did enjoy myself a few moments before being escorted to another property on
the island.

            Now back to the Brats' roster: I see no plot, no theme, no
tension, no feeling.  I like --and I cannot cite any stronger
emotion--Victor Martinez at 15, Ervin Santana at 2, and Gathright (I
suppose) at 5.  But Gomes at 2?  A Hill at 11? Adams at 5? Fluff my pillows,
please. I'm exhausted trying to find something that compels me to read
through this roster...on the Minor League Front, it's a quick retreat with
Lubanski (2) and Hammel (5) .  Blocker has nothing to fear, but I do: I'm
afraid there are not enough words in my vocabulary to describe to each of
you the brilliance of the Hooiser Daddies' reserve roster. But I will find a
way, I promise, perhaps in a trilogy on par with The Golden Compass or those
Saw movies.  You'll see.
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