[USML Announce] Robbins About To Pop A Cork

[Brad Jansen]

"While Mark Kerber may be able to pen 'instant classics' in the bleary eyes
of Doug Shabelman," sniffed roto god Jeffrey Winick as he perused the 13th
volume of *Remembrance of Things Past* during a break in baseball's winter
meetings, "It is none other than Rich Robbins who will write his ticket to
the 2009 USML championship, Ellsbury, Lester and Blocker's minor leaguers be
damned.

"What prompts me to say this?  Simple, my earnest students:  With the
Yankees acquiring C.C. Sabathia (and just who *was *the knucklehead who
waived him?), the Red Sox clearly will be forced into signing Mark Teixeira
for whatever sum he wants.  And who was the owner who somehow plucked this
gem for a mere $18?  That's right, Mr. First Place Smarty Britches
Shabelman, it was Rich Robbins.  Robbins, soon to be the happy owner of the
Best Hitter in the American League, along with King Felix, the Best Pitcher
in the American League, will come to the draft with plenty of draft dollars
and a chip on his shoulder the size of Mark "Look At Me I'm A Trial Lawyer"
Blocker's ego.  There's a poker game to be played next April, and Robbins
will be at that table, planning to win it all.  Now where's my brandy?
Cabana boy!!"
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