[USML Announce] What Am I About? The Truth. It's Time To Open---The Everett Files....

[Brad Jansen]

What are you about?  -Andy

The Truth. So today we answer Today's Question: Who Are The Worst Retainees
Not Named Edwin Jackson?

The Answer:  Pick your poison.

In this corner, weighing in at $39, is the illustrious Carl Crawford. Almost
160 AB, and this man has gotten his average up to .208, with a single home
run, 10 RBI, 13 RBI and a whopping 6 stolen bases. He'll continue to see
plenty of action in the ninth hole, which come to think of it is the Hole of
Damnation.

And in the other corner, my brothers, is the $26 dynamo out machine by the
name of Juan Pierre. Beloved by his manager, but not by Sox fans, this guy
is about to see his skinny ass either in that Ninth Hole or riding the
pines so he can watch a real ball player like Dayan Viciedo (Riptorns, $1).
In the meantime, Juan's earned 160 AB to bat an awful .242 (OBP of .313,
believe it), scoring a grand total of 13 runs *as a lead-off hitter*, while
getting thrown out 8 of 14 times trying to steal a base.

Now, any wonder why the Berliners are in last and the Klein Nine are doomed
to fall from grace as soon as the Calamari see the Light and pray for a
closer?

That, my friends, is The Truth.
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