Notice of Hot Wax Seal

[Frank Luby]

PRESS RELEASE: Thursday, April 14, 2016
Lubeasts swap WHIP-Master Iwakuma for yet another first baseman
CHICAGO - The Lubeasts' search for a first baseman may be over. Maybe.
The Nukes and the Lubeasts have decided to patch holes in the lineups by swapping SP Hisashi Iwakuma for 1B Mitch Moreland.
"Albert Einstein once said that insanity means doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome," said Lubeasts owner and GM Frank Luby. "We do hope Moreland delivers the power we need."
"I think this deal helps both clubs," Nukes owner/GM Mark Kerber said in a prepared statement.
The Lubeasts have enjoyed little success at the cold corner. Steve Pearce is reportedly tearing up the local slow-pitch softball league, but his power has yet to translate to the major league level in 2016. As for Jonathan Singleton, who was also with the Lubeasts in 2015?
"We have 10,000 Jonathan 'Homer-Ton' t-shirts for a summer promotion," Luby said. "We fear they may never make it out of the boxes."
When asked whether the Lubeasts gave up too much to acquire Moreland, Luby again quoted Albert Einstein and said "be generous and you can be the best person who ever lived." When informed that that particular Albert Einstein changed his name to Albert Brooks and became a Hollywood movie star, Luby stared straight ahead and said "I'm just happy to be here and help my club try to bring home the Damon."
To fill Iwakuma's spot on the roster, the Lubeasts will activate Kevin Gausman, acquired in last year's trade deadline dump-a-thon. Changes in the offense will depend on whether Max Kepler gets corner eligibility before the weekend.
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