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<body class='hmmessage'><div dir='ltr'>as owner of roughly one-third the Astros lineup, I am duly offended.<br><br><div><div id="SkyDrivePlaceholder"></div><hr id="stopSpelling">From: Doug.Shabelman@burnsent.com<br>To: announce@usml.net<br>Date: Wed, 8 May 2013 17:40:13 +0000<br>Subject: [USML Announce] Astros TV Crew Already Out Of Things To Say About Team<br><br>
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<span style="font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif";color:#1A1A1A;">BOSTON—One inning into Sunday’s game between the Houston Astros and the Boston Red Sox, sources confirmed that the Astros’ television broadcasting crew has already run out of
things to say about their baseball team. “Top of the second, and, uh, that means we’ve got eight innings to go,” said Houston play-by-play commentator Bill Brown, who along with fellow booth analyst Alan Ashby has reportedly exhausted such Astros-related topics
as the team’s recent move to the American League, pitcher Bud Norris’ disappointing start, and the unique turf composition at Houston’s Minute Maid Park. “You know, this year the Astros have had to adjust to life in the AL, and—oh, wait, we just did that.
Uh, what do you think, Alan?” At press time, the audio portion of the Houston broadcast had consisted solely of the sound of the two announcers breathing for six full innings.<img width="11" height="12" id="ecxPicture_x0020_4" src="cid:image001.png@01CE4BE9.2EB32A80" alt="http://www.theonion.com/static/onion/img/terminator_1x.png"></span></p>
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<p class="ecxMsoNormal"><b><span style="font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Tahoma","sans-serif";">From:</span></b><span style="font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Tahoma","sans-serif";"> announce-bounces@usml.net [mailto:announce-bounces@usml.net]
<b>On Behalf Of </b>Brad Jansen<br>
<b>Sent:</b> Wednesday, May 01, 2013 11:05 PM<br>
<b>To:</b> USML Announcements<br>
<b>Subject:</b> Re: [USML Announce] Berliners Luke For Offensive Surge With Scott's Return</span></p>
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<p class="ecxMsoNormal" style="">Sure. Would he mind sitting on the minivan roof?</p>
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<p class="ecxMsoNormal">On Wed, May 1, 2013 at 7:26 PM, Andy Klein <<a href="mailto:anrklein@gmail.com" target="_blank">anrklein@gmail.com</a>> wrote:</p>
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<p class="ecxMsoNormal">Congratulations on the graduation! Can you pick up my son from his dorm while you're there and bring him home for me ...??<span class="ecxhoenzb"><span style="color:#888888;"></span></span></p>
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<p class="ecxMsoNormal"><span style="color:#888888;">-Andy</span></p>
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<p class="ecxMsoNormal">On Wed, May 1, 2013 at 1:57 PM, Brad Jansen <<a href="mailto:bljansen@gmail.com" target="_blank">bljansen@gmail.com</a>> wrote:</p>
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<p class="ecxMsoNormal">The Rays activated <a href="http://espn.go.com/mlb/player/_/id/6229/luke-scott" target="_blank">
Luke Scott</a> (right calf strain) from the DL and designated DH <a href="http://espn.go.com/mlb/player/_/id/28832/shelley-duncan" target="_blank">
Shelley Duncan</a> for assignment. Scott went 0 for 4 with two strikeouts.</p>
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<p class="ecxMsoNormal"><b>WINNER</b></p>
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<p class="ecxMsoNormal">Berliners. With return of team's preeminent power hitter this first place team
<b>NOW LOOKS UNSTOPPABLE</b>.</p>
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<p class="ecxMsoNormal"><b>LOSER</b></p>
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<p class="ecxMsoNormal">Riptorns. Must hope Duncan latches on to another AL club as team
<b>NEEDS EVERY SCRAP OF HELP.</b></p>
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<p class="ecxMsoNormal"><b>Ed.'s Note: </b>Contributing editor and panelist Brad Jansen will be traveling to lovely Bloomington, IN, tomorrow for his daughter's graduation from IU-Kelley School of Business, so if you do not see any news flashes about Shane Victorino's
pending DL stint or other breaking news, please do not worry. Brad Lee's merely on the road for a spell. </p>
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