Notice Of Hot Wax Deal: Riptorns Make A Mutually Beneficial and Self-Satisfying Deal

[Brad Jansen]

The Riptorns are pleased to announce that they made a mutually beneficial deal with themselves, trading Jose Reyes to the Inactive Riptorns in exchange for Jayson Nix of the Active Riptorns.  “With so many teams having differing definitions of what makes a trade ‘mutually beneficial,’ I choose to take the safe route and trade only with myself,” explained Riptorns CEO Brad Jansen. “I commit to not trading half my team to the other half to get fledgling rookie pitchers, minor league ‘stars*,’ mediocre platoon players or over-hyped past their prime PED abusers. Besides, I like negotiating with myself. It’s really quite pleasing.”

That is all, Saul.

*Bryan Buxton excluded.

[Richard Robbins]

Outrageous.

[Dennis Adams]

I sure think that Wil Myers deal was mutually beneficial.

[Brad Jansen]

Not that I ever would doubt the fairness of any deal I engage in, but I do believe that Myers alone has hit as many home runs as all the guys you traded me. He’s a masher.

[Andy Klein]

An excellent trade between the Rips active and reserve rosters.

My problem is that the first half of my team was swindled for drunk-driving minor leaguers, .220-hitting Cuban outfielders on long-term contracts, and — good grief! — Lonnie Chisenhall.

Maybe it’s time to start playing for 2015. Mark Kerber, your guidance please …

-Andy

[Author]

Posts