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Each day USML wags discuss the latest trade rumors. And stories continue to swirl around enigmatic Bomber Mark Blocker.
“There is little if any doubt in my mind that deals are imminent,” opined Jeffery Winick, owner of the last place and woeful Berliners. “I think Sheffield’s injury may delay the inevitable, but look: he’s still got Teixeira, Ichiro and Mike Maroth. Can he land someone as undervalued as Craig “Moratorium My Ass” Hansen? I don’t know, and neither does Mark. The best keepers already were acquired by me, so I am not terribly concerned about anything Mark does, or anything he says about me for that matter. He still owes me for that fantasy magazine that he thought I “gave” him and I’m still ticked off. Anyway, expect the Scarlet Wieners and Kleiners to fight it out for the Bombers’ prize players. Don’t discount the Angries, either, as they have a freindly, long-term trade pact with the Bombers. The Nukes have no cheap keepers to trade and don’t need any deals anyway. My projections have them winning this League by a margin of 5-6 points. The Nukes will do anything in their power to avoid relinquishing the Damon, which I believe either was sold at a garage sale or burned as some part of a weird ritual.”
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Those are fake Winick quotes!! Here’s what he really said.
“I’m really concerned about Bradley,” Jeffrey mused. “Bragging about his FAAB bid on Tommy Murphy? I mean, the guy’s a one week fill-in until Juan Rivera comes back. Meanwhile Klein snared KC speedster Kerry Robinson right out from under Brad’s nose. Everyone knows that Robinson stole 39 bases in AAA last year. And he was hitting .367 before his call-up. With David DeJesus not even close to healthy, Robinson is a big-time impact player!”
After a long pause and a shake of the head, Jeffrey continued. “It’s really sad watching Brad flail around this year. He sounds like an over-the-hill snake oil salesman. Justin Huber? Give me a break! All I can say is ’81 major league at-bats without a home run and counting!’ And don’t even get me started on Jeff Clement’s torn meniscus and elbow bone chips. Maybe the league should force the Rips to start from scratch again next year. It would be for their own good.”
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