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The grieving Jeff Winick, stung by the news that Zsa Zsa Gabor’s “prince” of a husband now claims to have squired the late Anna Nicole’s kid, did take a moment to opine on the latest Hot Stove Intrigue:
(Dictated but not proofread by the Master):
Other than my trades with the Riptorns, nothing causes more heartburn among USML owners that the annual anguish of determining which y-2 player gets a long-term contract and who will freed at last after this season.
Today’s observation focuses only on those players, with a sharp eye on undervalued talent, with my usual sanguine commentary, as well as the occasional helpful suggestion. Let’s take it team-by-team:AYM: Emil Brown clocks in at $8, but why extend when he’ll likely ride the pines for KC later this season…who knows where he’ll be traded. I say keep him at $8 and ditto for Kenny Rogers, a huge success at $1, and no need to get burned when luck expires, as it always does for gamblers.
Bombers: Swisher’s at 2; he’ll be at 12 come auction day if Blocker has read anything I’ve written about this blossoming power. But can’t do Cantu when he’s already at 10, no way…
Burnt Weiners: if either Kotchman (4) or Kendry (1) nails 1B/DH gig, gotta extend. Way too much upside for the low price and high reward…and oye oye, what do with Ervin Santana at 2? At least one year more, please! And Johnny Gomes at 2? Let’s see how’s he feeling before we start dealing….
Hoosier Second Place Team in ’07 After The Berliners?: Granderson goes from 1 to 11, although with some trepidation…now Papelbon will easily go 5 to 15, I have little doubt…Wakefield stays at 4 and Rick will be happy about it…
Klein 9: Bedard will get bumped form 3 to 8, maybe…we know how conservative this fellow Klein can be.
Great Lakes Fish: Jenks rockets from 1 to 11, thank heaven…
Red Hots: Ah, my favorite, King Felix–what’s a lad to do? My sources, always reliable, tell me the Red Hots intend to be players this year (well, don’t they always), so I expect just a one-year bump to 10…Chris Ray of Light, however, will get 2 more years so he’ll go to 15, the Street will get one more year to go 15….and Chad Orvella at 2? Likely traded to the Rips shortly after this publishes…
Nukes: no one worthy of extension
Pubs: Cano sure can, and he’ll do it at 15 this year, courtesy of a 2-year kick by the Buddha, who may tack one add’l year on to Jose Lopez (from 7 to 12) and that’s it.
Riptorns: no one worthy of extension
Winick Berliners: Baldelli will go from 3 to 13, I promise you that, dark princes, and I’ll ride that mount to 1st place from pillar to post. You read it first here, and you’ll keep reading it so long as there’s a breath emitting from my swollen, bloated torso.
So, that’s all. Now wait and see how right I am, boys. Me, I’m waiting for a certain autopsy report. Ta ta!!
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