[Brad Jansen]

Rich, you always flatter me…better to be compared to a kickass drummer from Rockford than Salman Rushdie…

BTW, I previously emailed MBB requesting that he reserve R. Soriano and activate H. Penn because our electricity/internet/cable have been shut off intermittedly due to street construction. Right now our power’s up but is supposed to be shut off again SAT and after that who knows. Anyway I couldn’t make the roster move tonight cos Hayden still in minors…so if I can’t get to it someone please…and thanks again Jeffrey for trading Hayden to me–I really appreciate your generosity and fairness.

Brad the Bun E.

[Brad Jansen]

I think both the Angries and Nukes should dedicate their seasons to the
Knack…can’t wait to see who Nukes reserve to activate Davis….

[Brad Jansen]

Actually, ill-advised Doug the Smug, it was either Joey or Johnny (Rick, help me here) who was quite the conservative, leading to many battles within the band. But they’re all up in Rock ‘N Roll Heaven now so all we have is their music, which is good enough for me, whatever the politics.

So, Jeffrey, how ya doin’ with those numbers? And why are you catching up to me in the standings? I haven’t even traded Thome!

And a note to fellow risk-takers: my ’07 pen is set for next year; if you want to make an offer for a $5 Fernando Cabrera, future Tribe closer, offer away. Privately.

[Brad Jansen]

Rick: Shhhhh.

Don’t let these owners know you’re a Ramones fan. Some of them can’t be trusted.

Brad

[Brad Jansen]

Dear Jeffrey:

Go ahead and ridicule my exuberance about the Riptorns’ young and incredible talent. Mock the joy of a 1st major league home run smacked by a young man who grew up in the terrifying shadow of communist North Korea, saved enough coins to make his way across the Pacific Ocean to the coastal waters of Washington, carved a baseball bat out of one of the many wintry pines that surround Seattle and fought his way to the Show.

What’s your story, Jeffrey? When did Cynicism become your sidekick, and depravity your destination? Your bitterness toward my success will lead you down a long and sorrowful road. That’s me in your rearview mirror, old friend. Be careful at the intersection of Muck and Mire…

Respectfully submitted,
Brad Jansen,

[Brad Jansen]

Dearest John:

Yes, but the point here is that you were not offering those stiffs around like Andy with his Jhonny, nor were you critical of fellow owners for accepting players other than Peralta. Your motion for consideration is DENIED.

Judge Brad

[Brad Jansen]

Please don’t employ the rhetorical gimmick of changing the issue because of your inability to answer the question posed. You either can or Cantu the assignment. We’re waiting, all of us.

[Brad Jansen]

Dear Jeff:

Thanks for the crime report. Poor lad probably needed some tough love on father’s day. Maybe a game, er sport of golf would have tamed the beast within. Anyway, the Riptorns stand behind this man who has a big heart, a boatload of talent and unusually quick fists. But with this sorry news, I am filing away my prospects portfolio until your newsletter/magazine gets published next spring (assuming, of course, you can raise enough funds from your family and your law firm’s credit line to get the thing to press). I don’t want to hear anymore about anyone’s “prospects” (especially yours, Andy, whoever you think they are) in any further trade proposals. The only good news is that at least I didn’t trade for the guy…

Brad The Bedraggled

[Brad Jansen]

Gentlemen, gentlemen…the ESPN Baseball site incorrectly identified Sizemore, then later changed the player to Casey Blake.

Jeff Winick and I both regret this error.

[Brad Jansen]

Just let me know if you will be waiving Craig Hansen to free up a roster
spot…

[Brad Jansen]

Rick:

Nice how they let you drink at work.

Brad

[Brad Jansen]

…and I bet we can get a cool Delmon action figure, too…

[Brad Jansen]

What a sad, desperate grasp for attention…and it’s *Jeff *Clement, not Matt. Sheesh. And, Andy, do you also now subscribe to satellite transmissions of minor league games so you can track that pitching stud Craig Hansen? In any event, don’t worry about me peddling those guys (or my other top-notch guys like Upton, Kendrick, Gordon, Zumaya, Putz, Molina, Burgos, Soriano, Thome, Patterson, Ellsbury, et al and etc.). As I already proclaimed, these fine young men are the cornerstone of the next Riptorns’ empire. Just as you won’t part with Hansen, and Rich won’t part with Sizemore (unless/until he grabs enough ass -I mean asterisk- players to get Ichiro, Sheff and Teixera from Bombers), so shall I stand firm, and pat!

[Brad Jansen]

…just be sure to include that line drawing of Jeff that graced the fantasy
magazine he sold at the auction…

[Brad Jansen]

My good friend and worthy competitor Rich:

You have cast your vote, so please stop the electioneering or I will file a formal complaint with the Commission as a Whole or Stein Ray and Harris, whichever. As I previously wrote, I am not proffering any additional arguments in support of the various equities in support of my position. I simply want to know if anyone else votes no so I can get on with my modest endeavours….

Brad

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