[USML Announce] Winick Announces This Year's Jeffrey Award Nominees

[Brad Jansen]

NOTE: The following message was dictated but not proofread by 2010
USML Champion Jeffrey Winick:

In today's flagging economy, it's important for every consumer to
recognize and obtain value. So I think we need to spend a bit more
time acknowledging owners who tried to get value at the draft.  Since
my roto skills have been widely acknowledged by any number of experts,
I am best suited to evaluate these efforts. Accordingly, I announce
the Jeffrey Award, which I shall present annually at the end of each
baseball season to the team that drafted the most profitable player.
Richard Robbins, I commission you to draft the appropriate amendment
to our Constitution. I list my nominees below and note for the record
that the players must be seen in the context of their owners' rosters,
not necessarily compared to the USML as a Whole.  I also do not
suggest, predict or opine whether any of these players shall become
superstars. My sole object is to offer my view that in 2011 these
drafted players provide the greatest opportunity to reward their
owners with the most profit.

Let me begin:

Bombers: Dear me, I must remember not to confuse "value" with "cheap."
 But I'll hold my nose and suggest that Brent Morel at $6 may earn a
modest profit for this bankrupt squad.

Klein Nine: One wishes he could even hint at finding value among the
cheap starting pitching dominated by the likes of Burnett, Dice K and
Arrierta but I am too wise and risk averse.  I would be a fool not to
nominate David Ortiz at $1.  And you were fools for letting Klein get
away with that. But I promise each of you that I shall remember this
moment of skulduggery when I determine who is most worthy of receiving
an award that bears my name.

Nukes: As much as I would love to nominate Scotty Pods at $1 just
because he's so cute, my less baser instincts compel me to give a nod
to Wilson Betemit at $1.  He's the right age, on the right team, and
bought at the right price.

Hoosier Daddies: As easy as it would be to pick Ramon Castro at $2 (or
Chris Archer at $1, but remember, readers, I seek 2011 profitability)
I must go on a limb and select Fausto Carmona at $5.  That selection
may say more about the Dads' cheap players than Carmona's prospects,
however....

Mighty Red Hots: Dare I say those two words that have tormented Brad
Lee Jansen all these years: Alex Gordon?  But at $5 and with the fans'
focus on other prospects, the not so young anymore Alex could finally
put some value on the board.

Riptorns: How I love Dayan Viciedo at $1, but alas, will he earn a
profit this year? Only in a dump deal for Cano. My eyes can't help but
remain fixated on the fleet-footed Peter Bourjos at $11. The upside is
enormous, even at that fair price, my loyal subjects.

Lake Michigan Calamari: Jed Lowrie at $5.  When Scutaro is your only
competition.....And do not forget Chris Carter at $3--why shouldn't he
bash his way on to that weak hitting A's roster?  Two Steals of the
Draft. But if I must pick one,  I'll nominate Lowrie.

Angry Young Men: Lorenzo Cain at $6. A literal steal.  Same price as
Red Hots utility bat/3rd catcher Yorvit Torrealba, Enough said.

Flaming Brats: If Neftali Feliz heads to the Rangers rotation, then
Brats have rustled up a winner in Ogando at $6. Yee-ha!

Berliners: Of course, I can win my own prize. I have so many
undervalued draftees my head spins. But I'll indulge you and pick just
one: Ivan Nova. 15 wins for $2. Book it, baby.

That is all for now.
Lord Jeffrey