[USML Announce] No Snake Eyes For K-9's Dice Roll

[Brad Jansen]

ITEM:
BOSTON -- Boston Red
Sox<http://espn.go.com/mlb/team/_/name/bos/boston-red-sox>pitcher
Daisuke
Matsuzaka <http://espn.go.com/mlb/player/_/id/28631/daisuke-matsuzaka> is
going to be placed on the 15-day disabled list Wednesday because of a sprain
in his right elbow, manager Terry Francona said after Tuesday night's game
against the Baltimore
Orioles<http://espn.go.com/mlb/team/_/name/bal/baltimore-orioles>was
postponed because of rain. The right-hander had an MRI done Tuesday
afternoon, and the images showed the sprain, Francona said. A more detailed
statement from medical director Thomas Gill is expected Wednesday, according
to the Sox.

WINNER: Klein Nine no longer have to endure Dice K's miserable 5.30 ERA and
1.47 WHIP, further cementing their first place death grip. Expect the K-9 to
activate Uehara, in line to recover closer's job from struggling Gregg, and
CATAPULT TO VICTORY.

LOSERS: Berliners, Bombers and AYM find no taker(s) for their closers
(that's right, I said Berliners, since Scott Downs is gonna replace
that Walden bum the Dads traded me....) as LMC realize that nothing they can
do will offset K-9's incredible good fortune and Red Hot's superior offense,
leaving these last place teams DOWN IN THE DUMPS.
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